I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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