evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't think brook has ever known best
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
