god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
