She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
