I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
