never play flip cup with pint glasses
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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