Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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