What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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