I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
