I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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