My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
