He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
