She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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