I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
