That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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