So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have aggressive nipples.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
