girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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