I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Fuck appropriateness.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
