i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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