I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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