We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You can't motorboat a personality
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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