Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
