I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize