But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
