batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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