Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
