You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
