Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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