i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
