It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
