I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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