who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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