so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
