You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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