i need an iv and a liver transplant
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
