the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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