Pappa wants mamma naked
You can't motorboat a personality
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
