Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
