There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
