Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
