cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
