It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
