So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
