I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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