Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
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The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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