Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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