next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
