1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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