Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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