the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
