No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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