Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
