Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
