I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My penis needs a shock collar
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
