Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
