i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Shame - the story of my life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
