I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Did I show you my penis last night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
