I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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