I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
