I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
