Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
nutella sex= disaster
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
