Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
third nipple confirmed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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