can u get pink eye on your cock?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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